Teen there, done that?

Recently, a music channel, in a bid to connect more with the younger audiences, spoke with a cross section of kids and asked them to put down in private, thoughts and secrets they haven't shared with their parents for various reasons. What they spoke about only highlighted the growing rift between teenagers and their parents, and part of the blame needs to go to the parents for not talking to their kids about the 'important' things at the right time. Following are excerpts of what the kids confessed, along with advice on how to open up with your teenager.

"I swore at mom a lot"

"I was 13 when I started making friends with boys and going to parties. It was fun. A lot of my friends are older than me - like 17 - and I act older than my age. My mum isn't big on discipline. She had her suspicions about what I was up to - I actually didn't realise how much she knew but I didn't care.

I never spoke to her about how I felt about things. I preferred to talk to my friends.

"No sex before marriage"

"Things are different now than how they were where my parents grew up, so they find it difficult to understand things like  I don't want an arranged marriage.

I'm interested in deejaying and my parents didn't like that and tried to stop me from doing it, but they couldn't. But with girls it's harder, they've really restricted it. It's not my parents' fault. They're trying to keep me a good specimen of our community and at the end of the day they say it's up to me to make my own choices. But that makes me feel like a bad person. I don't want to upset them because they're always there for me.

I think my parents understand me sometimes - but they don't get it because they haven't done it. My mom is the one I can talk to. I don't want to keep it a secret again."

Here are tips on talking to your teens about sensitive issues..

SEX

Most teens are sexually active by the age of 16. Make sure they know the risks of STDs and pregnancy. Choose a time when things are relaxed. It might be easier if you're watching a soap and there's a relevant plot. It's common for them to go 'oh mum'. Put up with it, make sure they know you're open to discussion. Another good time is when you're in the car: if you're driving you don't have to look face to face, and they can't walk away.

ALCOHOL AND DRUGS

Far more teens are hospitalised by alcohol abuse than by drugs. Make sure they know you can die from alcohol poisoning and what to do if a friend is really drunk. Tell them they shouldn't just take them home and sneak them in through the back door: they must alert an adult. But the same applies with cigarettes. Talk in black and white terms about the risks. There are drugs everywhere. Most kids, even if they don't use them, will know how to get them.

DEPRESSION

Depression is hard to spot but keep an open dialogue with your child and talk generally about what happens if someone feels low and what to do about it. Ensure they know they can share anything with you. Build up their self-esteem. Teenagers often feel awkward and shy. Show them unconditional love.